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The bar chart illustrates the percentage of India’s economic growth which contributed by agriculture, Industry, and services between 1960 to 2000.

The bar chart illustrates the percentage of India’s economic growth which contributed by agriculture, Industry, and services between 1960 to 2000. 8LBpr
The bar chart illustrates the percentage of India’s economic growth which contributed by agriculture, Industry, and services between 1960 to 2000. Overall, it can be seen that the percentage of agriculture decreased steadily from the first year to the end of the period, while the services sector gradually increased in every decade. Simultaneously, the industry section accounted for the lowest amount of India’s contribution from the time given. In terms of the agricultural manufacturing figure, it peaked at approximately 63% in the first year, then progressively declined to just over 13% in 2000. In contrast, the services sector showed a clear upward tendency from 1960 to 1980, expanding by an average of 1 digit per decade until it reached a height of 62% in the final year. On the other hand, the services industry was marked as the lowest proportion of the Indian economy's growth, which never extended more than 25%.
The bar chart illustrates the percentage of India’s economic growth which contributed by agriculture, Industry, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 1960 and 2000".
between 1960 to 2000
.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the percentage of agriculture decreased
steadily
from the
first
year to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
sector
gradually
increased in every decade.
Simultaneously
, the industry section accounted for the lowest amount of India’s contribution from the time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.

In terms of the agricultural manufacturing figure, it peaked at approximately 63% in the
first
year, then
progressively
declined to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 13% in 2000.
In contrast
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
sector
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
upward tendency from 1960 to 1980, expanding by an average of 1 digit per decade until it reached a height of 62% in the final year.

On the other hand
, the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "services'" or "service's"?
services
industry
was marked
as the lowest proportion of the Indian economy's growth, which never extended more than 25%.
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IELTS academic The bar chart illustrates the percentage of India’s economic growth which contributed by agriculture, Industry, and services between 1960 to 2000.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
151 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 6.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
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    Present relevant ideas
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