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The given pie chart dedicate the average domestic expenditure which are consumed by the Japanese and the Malaysian 2010.

The given pie chart dedicate the average domestic expenditure which are consumed by the Japanese and the Malaysian 2010. JKBxj
The given pie chart dedicate the average domestic expenditure which are consumed by the Japanese and the Malaysian 2010. Overall, the number of other goods and services expenditure accounted for a majority in Japan, while in Malaysia, housing consumption made up for the highest percentage. Moreover, the expenditure of health care occupied the lowest proportion of both nations. It can be clearly seen from the chart that other goods and services in Japan represented for 29%, while that for Malaysia made up for over a quarter. The proportion of healthcare in Japan was almost double than that of Malaysia, at just 6%. A fifth of healthcare consumption in Japan was made up, while that of Malaysia was a tenth. The proportion of housing expenditure in Japan was nearly a fifth, and that of Malaysia was more than the figure for Japan 13%, which accounted for more than a third. Less than a quarter of food consumption in Japan was consumed by consumers that year, while that of Malaysia witnessed an insignificant increase to 27%.
The
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given
pie chart dedicate the average domestic
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expenditure
which
are consumed
by the Japanese and the Malaysian 2010.

Overall
, the number of other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services
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expenditure
accounted for a majority in
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Japan
, while in Malaysia, housing consumption made up for the highest percentage.
Moreover
, the
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expenditure
of health care occupied the lowest proportion of both nations.

It can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the chart that other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
represented for 29%, while that for Malaysia made up for over a quarter. The proportion of healthcare in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
was almost
Use "doubler" to make a comparison with this adjective.
double
than that of Malaysia, at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
6%. A fifth of healthcare consumption in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
was made
up, while that of Malaysia was a tenth.

The proportion of housing
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expenditure
in
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Japan
was
nearly
a fifth, and that of Malaysia was more than the figure for
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Japan
13%, which accounted for more than a third. Less than a quarter of food consumption in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
was consumed
by consumers that year, while that of Malaysia witnessed an insignificant increase to 27%.
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IELTS academic The given pie chart dedicate the average domestic expenditure which are consumed by the Japanese and the Malaysian 2010.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
174 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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