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The given map shows the number of visitors visited to new websites.

The given map shows the number of visitors visited to new websites. LG77V
The given line graph illustrates the information regarding the number of people visit to two different websites on internet which are are music choice and pop parade. Overall, it can be seen that the highest number of people were visited pop parade from day 1 two 15 except day 12 and 13. The website pop parade has approximately 190 thousand visitors on the first day, which decrease to 70000 after 5 days. The figure again Rose by 10 thousand on day 6. Then again drastically falled by 30, 000 after 3 days. The number of visitors dramatically cline to just under 180 thousand on the last day (15). The number of public visited music choice was begin at 40 thousand. After few fluctuations which reached to 120, 000 after 12 days. Then after a drop on next day the figure goes up and pick at all time highest which was just above 120 thousand. But, eventually the number drop by 40, 000 people on next day.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
line graph illustrates the information regarding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
visit to two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
websites on internet which
Possible typo: you repeated a word
are are
music choice and pop parade.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were visited
pop parade from day 1 two 15 except day 12 and 13.

The website pop parade has approximately 190 thousand visitors on the
first
day, which decrease to 70000 after 5 days. The figure again Rose by 10 thousand on day 6. Then again
drastically
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "fell", the past tense form of the verb 'fall'?
falled
by 30, 000 after 3 days. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of visitors
dramatically
Possible spelling mistake found.
cline
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 180 thousand on the last day (15).

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of public visited music choice was
Consider using a past participle here: "begun".
begin
at 40 thousand. After few fluctuations which reached to 120, 000 after 12 days. Then after a drop on
next
day the figure goes up and pick at
It appears that a hyphen is missing in the adjective "all-time"
all time
highest which was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 120 thousand.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
eventually
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
drop by 40, 000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on
next
day.
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IELTS academic The given map shows the number of visitors visited to new websites.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
166 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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