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The given line diagram illustrates the condition of unemployed people in urban and rural areas in four different quarters in Australia in 2012.

The given line diagram illustrates the condition of unemployed people in urban and rural areas in four different quarters in Australia in 2012. The units are measured in percentage. Overall, it is clear from the diagram that approximately in first two quarters, the percentage of people in urban and rural areas showed diverge relation in graph. While, after 4th quarter a converge relation observed in both areas. Firstly, Rural areas shows a decrease in percentage of unemployment from 7% to nearly 5% in second quarter. Whereas, in urban areas proportion of unemployed people increased by 2 percent till second quarter of the year. In between 2nd and 3rd quarter, a gradual increase in percentage observed as approximately 1%. Whereas, significant decline was marked in urban areas and as it goes to 3rd quarter of the year the rate of unemployment became same as like as before first quarter. Secondly, in between third and fourth quarters, there was little fluctuation in graphs and it does not effect much. While after 4th quarter a gradual increase in percentage noticed in urban areas, whereas in rural areas it approximately remained same.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
line diagram illustrates the condition of unemployed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
in four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quarters
in Australia in 2012. The units
are measured
in percentage.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the diagram that approximately in
first
two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quarters
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
diverge relation in graph. While, after 4th
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quarter
After ‘a’, do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of ‘converge’ is correct. If ‘converge’ is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
a converge
relation observed in both areas.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
It seems that the correct verb form here is “show”.
shows
a decrease in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of unemployment from 7% to
nearly
5% in second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quarter
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
proportion of unemployed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
increased by 2 percent till second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quarter
of the year. In between 2nd and 3rd
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quarter
, a gradual increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
observed as approximately 1%. Whereas, significant decline
was marked
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
and as it goes to 3rd
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quarter
of the year the rate of unemployment became same as like as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
first
quarter.

Secondly
, in between third and fourth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quarters
, there was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
fluctuation in
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
graphs and
it does not
Did you mean “affect” (have an effect upon)?
effect
much. While after 4th
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quarter
a gradual increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
noticed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, whereas in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
it approximately remained same.
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IELTS academic The given line diagram illustrates the condition of unemployed people in urban and rural areas in four different quarters in Australia in 2012.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
188 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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