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The given graphs provide data on the number of people who travelled abroad from Japan between 1985 and 1995 as well as the percentage of those tourists coming to Australia in the given years.

From the first chart, it is observed that the number of Japanese tourists traveling abroad increased constantly over the period. It held an all time low value of nearly 05 million travelers in the year 1985 and rose constantly up to the year 1990 to reach almost 11 million tourists. Although, it then showed a slight decline and stability until the year 1993 and then finally reached an all time high value of over 15 million people in the year 1995. From the second graph, one can notice that the total percentage of Japanese tourists coming to Australia was on a stable rise from the year 1985 and reached almost 5% in the year 1988. However, it dipped a trifle to 4% and then eventually showed a steady growth to reach a maximum value of over 6% in the year 1993. Thus to conclude we can see that the number of Japanese tourists increased from 1985 to 1995 and Australia's share for these tourists soared over the given span of time.
From the
first
chart, it
is observed
that the number of Japanese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
traveling abroad increased
constantly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the period. It held an
It appears that a hyphen is missing in the adjective “all-time”
all time
low value of
nearly
05 million travelers in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1985 and rose
constantly
up to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1990 to reach almost 11 million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
. Although, it then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a slight decline and stability until the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1993 and then
finally
reached an
It appears that a hyphen is missing in the adjective “all-time”
all time
high value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
15 million
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1995.

From the second graph, one can notice that the total percentage of Japanese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
coming to Australia was on a stable rise from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1985 and reached almost 5% in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1988.
However
, it dipped a trifle to 4% and then
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a steady growth to reach a maximum value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
6% in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1993.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
to conclude
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the number of Japanese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
increased from 1985 to 1995 and Australia's share for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
soared
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
span of time.
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IELTS academic The given graphs provide data on the number of people who travelled abroad from Japan between 1985 and 1995 as well as the percentage of those tourists coming to Australia in the given years.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
171 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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