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the pie chart points out the results of a survey indicating popular music

the pie chart points out the results of a survey indicating popular music 9loW0
The given pie chart compares the percentage of music preferences in young adult 14 to 19 years in united kingdom Overview, it is crystal clear that the number of teenagers Were interested in rap music while in classical music they show less preferences To begin with, the most popular music among youngest was rap music with the percentage of 50% whereas, the second most preference was noticed in Alternative music with 25 % in age 14 to 19 years Probing further, the percentage of Rock and Roll music was 13% where country music was 10% Rock and roll and country music was almost similar with a 2% differences while, the listeners shows least interest in traditional music as compare to rock and roll, rap, country, alternative music with 2%.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie chart compares the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
preferences in young adult 14 to 19 years in
The proper noun "United Kingdom" needs to be capitalized.
united kingdom


Overview, it is crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
Were interested
in rap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
while in classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun preferences is countable.
less
preferences

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
among youngest was rap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
with the percentage of 50% whereas, the second most preference
was noticed
in Alternative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
with 25 % in age 14 to 19 years

Probing
further
, the percentage of Rock and Roll
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
was 13% where country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
was 10% Rock and roll and country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
was almost similar with a 2% differences while, the listeners
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
interest in traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as compare to rock and roll, rap, country, alternative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
with 2%.
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IELTS academic the pie chart points out the results of a survey indicating popular music

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
129 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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