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the given diagrams illustrates the process of making cement together with the production of concrete.

the given diagrams illustrates the process of making cement together with the production of concrete. 75eAy
the given diagrams illustrates the process of making cement together with the production of concrete. A deeper examination of the diagram reveals that there are 5 different shapes, commencing with mixing clay and limestone and culminating with packaging cement. To produce concrete, there are 4 materials mixed together. Looking at the diagram in more detail, in the first stage of process of producing cement, the powder is crushed by a crush machine after giving clay and limestone. Subsequently, those powder then is mixed in the mixer and move into the rotating heater. The resulting mixture is put into the grinder. In the final stage of process, cement is carefully packaged, ready to be in use. To make concrete, 4 raw materials are needed and cement is one of them. Mixing with a quater of sand, a half small of stones, one tenth of water and cement ( account for 15% ). All this four materials mixed in the mixer to worker used in the construction.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
diagrams illustrates the process of making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
together with the production of concrete.

A deeper examination of the diagram reveals that there are 5
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
shapes, commencing with mixing clay and limestone and culminating with packaging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
. To produce concrete, there are 4 materials mixed together.

Looking at the diagram in more detail, in the
first
stage of process of producing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
, the powder
is crushed
by a crush machine after giving clay and limestone.
Subsequently
, those powder then
is mixed
in the mixer and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
into the rotating heater. The resulting mixture
is put
into the grinder. In the final stage of process,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
is
carefully
packaged, ready to be in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
concrete, 4 raw materials
are needed
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
is one of them. Mixing with a
Possible spelling mistake found.
quater
of sand, a half
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
of stones, one tenth of water and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
account for 15%
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)
. All this four materials mixed in the mixer to worker
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the construction.
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IELTS academic the given diagrams illustrates the process of making cement together with the production of concrete.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
165 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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