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The given diagram shows the life cycle of salmon fish

The given diagram shows the life cycle of salmon fish 6lGa8
The life cycle illustrates various stages involved in the development of salmon fish. Initially, eggs are laid by an adult fish and the stage involved is known as incubation followed by the emergence of very small fishes who are reared in freshwater for small time period. After that it stays in estuaries where it grows and lives for short time and this rearing is called as estuary rearing. Later on, salmon fish living in estuaries, moves to rearing areas where they are reared in a effective manner. In its subsequent stage, it migrates to oceans where it underwent the stage of growing and become mature. In its corresponding stage, mature salmon fish moves to spawning areas through estuaries and here they lay eggs again and cycle continues. Overall, the life cycle of a salmon fish is incessant in nature and it undergoes number of transformations and migrations throughout its life.
The life cycle illustrates various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stages
involved in the development of salmon fish.
Initially
, eggs
are laid
by an adult fish and the
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stage
involved
is known
as incubation followed by the emergence of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
fishes who
are reared
in freshwater for
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
small time
period. After that it stays in
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estuaries
where it grows and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
for short time and this rearing
is called
as
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estuary
rearing. Later on, salmon fish living in
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estuaries
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
to rearing areas where they
are reared
Consider replacing "in a effective manner" with the adverb for "effective"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a effective manner
. In its subsequent
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stage
, it migrates to oceans where it underwent the
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stage
of growing and become mature. In its corresponding
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stage
, mature salmon fish
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
to spawning areas through
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estuaries
and here they lay eggs again and cycle continues.
Overall
, the life cycle of a salmon fish is incessant in nature and it undergoes number of transformations and migrations throughout its life.
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IELTS academic The given diagram shows the life cycle of salmon fish

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
150 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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