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The given diagram shows the data about mobile phone sales of top five brands from 2009 to 2013.

The given diagram shows the data about mobile phone sales of top five brands from 2009 to 2013. gGjGD
The bar graph illustrates the information about the world cell phone sales by four brands, which are Samsung, Apple, Nokia, LG, ZTE, from 2009 to 2013. Overall, the most mobile phone sales were in Samsung, whereas the least was ZTE. Furthermore, Samsung and Apple were increased over the given period, while the rest of the brands decreased. To begin with, in 2009, Samsung company stood at around 250 and it was slightly rose roughly 350 then it doubled at exactly 450 in 2013. Between 2009 to 2013, the sale of Apple company, which was the second-highest increased, it started at around 50 and reached up to 150. The interesting notable is that the ZTE brand sale was similar from 2009 to 2013, which was approximately 50. However, the global sale of mobile phones was the Nokia brand, which was started with more than 450 and it was slightly dropped but it was slowly decreased roughly 250. The LG brand was around 100 in over the given periods.
The bar graph illustrates the information about the world cell phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
by four
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
, which are Samsung, Apple, Nokia, LG,
Possible spelling mistake found.
ZTE
, from 2009 to 2013.

Overall
, the most mobile phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
were in Samsung, whereas the least was
Possible spelling mistake found.
ZTE
.
Furthermore
, Samsung and Apple
were increased
over the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period, while the rest of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
decreased.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in 2009, Samsung
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
stood at around 250 and it was
slightly
Consider using a past participle here: "risen".
rose
roughly 350 then it doubled at exactly 450 in 2013.
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "Between 2009 and 2013".
Between 2009 to 2013
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
of Apple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, which was the second-highest increased, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at around 50 and reached up to 150. The interesting notable is that the
Possible spelling mistake found.
ZTE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
was similar from 2009 to 2013, which was approximately 50.

However
, the global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
of mobile phones was the Nokia
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand
, which was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with more than 450 and it was
slightly
dropped
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it was
slowly
decreased roughly 250. The LG
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand
was around 100 in over the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
periods.

IELTS academic The given diagram shows the data about mobile phone sales of top five brands from 2009 to 2013.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
167 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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