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The given diagram shows how wool is produced for personal and industrial use.

The given diagram shows how wool is produced for personal and industrial use. GRDQ
The given diagram illustrates the number of stages product manufacturing of wool for personal and industrial use. Overall, It can be seen that there are eight straightfoward stages involved in the production of wool, beginning with shearing the sheep's fleece and ending with utilizing them to make woolen items With regards to the physical product, manufacturing starts with raw material. Initially, the fleece is prudently sheared by farmer. After having harvested the fur, the following step is to wash the wool, romove soils and other contaminants from it. Once having been completely cleaned, the fleece then be dried. The next stage is spinning, which is done on a spinning machine. At this point, the wool is turned into strings and sub-products are recycled for other purposes. At the next stage of the the process, the fibers are stored in tuft storage house. Subsequently, the strings are spun to make balls of yarn. Lastly, these soft yarns are used for personal and industrial utilization to weave jackets or carpets.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
diagram illustrates the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stages
product manufacturing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wool
for personal and industrial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.

Overall
, It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that there are eight
Possible spelling mistake found.
straightfoward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stages
involved in the production of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wool
, beginning with shearing the sheep's fleece and ending with utilizing them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
woolen items

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
the physical product, manufacturing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
with raw material.
Initially
, the fleece is
prudently
sheared by farmer. After having harvested the fur, the following step is to wash the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wool
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
romove
soils and other contaminants from it. Once having been completely cleaned, the fleece then
be dried
. The
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
is spinning, which
is done
on a spinning machine. At this point, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wool
is turned
into strings and sub-products
are recycled
for other purposes.

At the
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
of
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
process, the fibers
are stored
in tuft storage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
Subsequently
, the strings
are spun
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
balls of yarn.
Lastly
, these soft yarns are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for personal and industrial utilization to weave jackets or carpets.
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IELTS academic The given diagram shows how wool is produced for personal and industrial use.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
168 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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