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The bar chart below illustrates five different industries’ percentage share of Brazil’s economy in 2009 and 2019 with a forecast for 2029. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. Bar Chart

The bar chart below illustrates five different industries’ percentage share of Brazil’s economy in 2009 and 2019 with a forecast for 2029. 9O8X
The diagram shows five business sector's share of the economy of Brazil as a percentage from 2009 to 2029. Overall, percentages in 2009 had some fluctuations, in 2019 relatively increased and they are set to decrease in some industries in 2029. The year of 2009 indicates that finance had most share with 31%. Tourism and fuels had equal amount of share with 26%. But nutrition was allocated only just over 10%. In 2019, the numbers gently increased for finance, food and fuels but decreased for manufacturing and tourism. The projection for 2029 is declined percentages for all of industries but monetary and tourist sections. Finance will go to just over 40% and tourism will stay at the same number. The lowest percentage is set to be for manufacturing with only 5%.
The diagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
five business
Possible agreement error. The noun 'sector' seems to be countable, so consider using: "sectors".
sector
's share of the economy of Brazil as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
from 2009 to 2029.
Overall
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
in 2009 had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fluctuations, in 2019
relatively
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
increased and
they
are set
to decrease in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
industries in 2029. The year of 2009 indicates that finance had most share with 31%. Tourism and fuels had equal amount of share with 26%.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
nutrition
was allocated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 10%. In 2019, the numbers
gently
increased for finance, food and fuels
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
decreased for manufacturing and tourism. The projection for 2029
is declined
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
for
Consider using "all industries" or "all of the industries".
all of industries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
monetary and tourist sections. Finance will go to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 40% and tourism will stay at the same number. The lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
is set
to be for manufacturing with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5%.

IELTS academic The bar chart below illustrates five different industries’ percentage share of Brazil’s economy in 2009 and 2019 with a forecast for 2029.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
131 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • The bar chart below illustrates five different industries’ percentage share of Brazil’s economy in 2009 and 2019 with a forecast for 2029. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. Bar Chart