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The Given Chart shows Unemployment rate in Australia in 2012 and the blue line indicates the Rural areas and red line describes Urban areas

The Given Chart shows Unemployment rate in Australia in 2012 and the blue line indicates the Rural areas and red line describes Urban areas qLyya
. Passage 1: In the chart it describes Four quarters of the year related to the areas of the unemployment. First when we observe the Rural areas, it started with 65% in the first quarter and it gradually dropped down to 45% to the second quarter. But there is a raise from second upto 55% of rate and form there it flucates to the fourth quarter of the year reaches to 50% of unemployement. Passage 2: When coming to the Urban areas, it started with 21% in the first quarter it roses to 40% of the rate to the second quarter. Initially, the percentage rate has been dropped down from 40% to 21% in the third quarter. From there the percentage rate has been increased upto 48% in the fourth quarter. Overview: Comparing the unemployment rate in Australia in 2012 of Urban and rural areas, there is a huge increase in the Urban areas unemployment rate to 28% and in rural areas it decreased to 15%.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.


Passage 1: In the chart it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
Four
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quarters
of the year related to the
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areas
of the unemployment.
First
when we observe the Rural
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areas
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with 65% in the
first
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quarter
and it
gradually
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "dropped".
dropped down
to 45% to the second
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quarter
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there is a raise from second
Possible spelling mistake found.
upto
55% of
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rate
and form there it
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flucates
to the fourth
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quarter
of the year reaches to 50% of
Possible spelling mistake found.
unemployement
.

Passage 2: When coming to the Urban
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areas
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with 21% in the
first
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quarter
it roses to 40% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
to the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quarter
.
Initially
, the percentage
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rate
has been
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "dropped".
dropped down
from 40% to 21% in the third
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quarter
. From there the percentage
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rate
has
been increased
Possible spelling mistake found.
upto
48% in the fourth quarter.

Overview: Comparing the unemployment
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rate
in Australia in 2012 of Urban and rural
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areas
, there is a huge increase in the Urban
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areas
unemployment
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rate
to 28% and in rural
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areas
it decreased to 15%.

IELTS academic The Given Chart shows Unemployment rate in Australia in 2012 and the blue line indicates the Rural areas and red line describes Urban areas

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
166 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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