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The given bar graphs illustrate the proportion of people who buy music albums, which are pop music, rock music, and classical music in Britain.

The given bar graphs illustrate the proportion of people who buy music albums, which are pop music, rock music, and classical music in Britain. kYjYR
The given bar graphs illustrate the proportion of people who buy music albums, which are pop music, rock music, and classical music in Britain. It is vary according to their age and sex. Overall, people show almost equal interest in pop music and rock music. however classical music is quite less popular in Britain for younger generation. The graphs outline that less than 30% and less than 20% citizen buy pop music. On the other hand, it is more than 30% and more than one in ten for rock music. In Britain, approximately 30% of people from age group 16-24 and 25-34 listen the pop music, and it Is almost similar for rock music. Greater than 45 age people does not like pop and rock music. The purchase rate is lowest, which is one in ten for pop music, and under one in ten for rock music. According to the graph, the younger generation purchase least number of classical music. Moreover, one in ten proportion of male and female purchase the classical music. Finally, 20 % old age groups buy the classical music.
The
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given
bar graphs illustrate the proportion of
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people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
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music
albums, which are pop
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music
,
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rock
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music
, and
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classical
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music
in Britain. It is
Consider using a past participle here: "varied".
vary
according to their
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age
and sex.
Overall
,
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
almost equal interest in pop
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music
and
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rock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
however
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classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is quite less popular in Britain for younger generation. The graphs outline that less than 30% and less than 20% citizen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
pop
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music
.
On the other hand
, it is more than 30% and more than one in ten for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. In Britain, approximately 30% of
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people
from
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age
group 16-24 and 25-34 listen the pop
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music
, and it Is almost similar for
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rock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. Greater than 45
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age
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people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
does
not like pop and
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rock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
rate is lowest, which is one in ten for pop
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music
, and under one in ten for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. According to the graph, the younger generation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Moreover
, one in ten proportion of male and female
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purchase
the
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classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Finally
, 20 %
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old
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age
groups
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.

IELTS academic The given bar graphs illustrate the proportion of people who buy music albums, which are pop music, rock music, and classical music in Britain.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
183 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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