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The chart shows favourite leisure activities of teenagers of Canada

The chart shows favourite leisure activities of teenagers of Canada 0AB69
This given bar chart compares that Canadian boys and girls opt for 4 variety types of activities ( sports, computer games, music and shopping) as a hobby for their spare time. Overall, boys prefer much more than girls all types of activities, after all. When shopping is mostly preferred by boys girls spend time on the same activite only about one in twenty in Canada. There is a big difference between boys and girls' occupying on sports accounting for almost less than a fifth. Computer games have been made up about 14 and a little less than 20% for both teens respectively. The amount of preferring music as a precious free activity comprises of the same percentage both girls and boys in Canada, at approximately 19%. Opting for shopping of boys reaches a peak with a little less than 35%, whereas girls occupy on less than boys about 28%.
This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart compares that Canadian
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boys
and
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girls
opt for 4 variety types of activities
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
sports, computer games, music and shopping) as a hobby for their spare time.

Overall
,
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boys
prefer much more than
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girls
all types of activities,
after all
.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
shopping is
mostly
preferred by
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boys
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girls
spend time on the same
Possible spelling mistake found.
activite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about one in twenty in Canada.

There is a
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big
difference between
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boys
and girls' occupying on sports accounting for almost
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less
than a fifth. Computer games have
been made
up about 14 and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
than 20% for both teens
respectively
. The amount of preferring music as a precious free activity
Did you mean "comprises" or "consists of"?
comprises of
the same percentage both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
in Canada, at approximately 19%. Opting for shopping of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
reaches a peak with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
than 35%, whereas
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girls
occupy on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
about 28%.
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IELTS academic The chart shows favourite leisure activities of teenagers of Canada

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
149 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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