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The given bar graph represents the number of miles which covered by males and females for six various motives.

The given bar graph represents the number of miles which covered by males and females for six various motives. lRB3J
The given bar graph represents the number of miles which covered by males and females for six various motives. The highest number of miles travelled by men was for work purpose and it was 35000 miles. The women travelled same miles for shopping and work which was 30000 miles and miles covered by men for shopping had difference of 2000 miles from women. For the purpose of taking children to school, both genders had covered almost same miles but women were leading by 28000 miles and men travelled 26000 miles. The women covered more miles than men for the reason of meeting friends, The female used to cover 25000 miles and male travelled 22000 miles. Both the genders travelled lowest miles for day trip, men covered 10000 miles and much lower than that, women travelled only 7000 miles. Males covered 5000 more miles for entertainment purpose than for the day trip but women travelled comparatively less than men for entertainment which was 11000 miles. Overall, both genders covered different number of miles from each other for various purposes. Highest number of miles covered was for work purpose and the lowest for the day trip by both genders.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar graph represents the
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number
of miles which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
covered
by males and females for six various motives.

The highest
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number
of miles
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelled
by
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men
was for work
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purpose
and it was
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35000 miles
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
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women
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travelled
same miles for shopping and work which was
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30000 miles
and miles
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covered
by
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men
for shopping had difference of
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2000 miles
from women.

For the
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purpose
of taking children to school, both genders had
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covered
almost same miles
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
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women
were leading by
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
28000 miles
and
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men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelled
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
26000 miles
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
covered
more miles than
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men
for the reason of meeting friends, The female
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to cover
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
25000 miles
and male
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travelled
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22000 miles
.

Both the genders
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travelled
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
miles for day trip,
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men
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covered
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
10000 miles
and much lower than that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
7000 miles
. Males
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covered
5000 more miles for entertainment
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purpose
than for the day trip
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelled
comparatively
less than
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men
for entertainment which was
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
11000 miles
.

Overall
, both genders
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covered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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number
of miles from each other for various
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purposes
.
A determiner is probably missing here: "the Highest".
Highest
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number
of miles
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
covered
was for work
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purpose
and the lowest for the day trip by both genders.
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IELTS academic The given bar graph represents the number of miles which covered by males and females for six various motives.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
197 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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