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The given bar charts illustrate the amount of money in million euros which MG Entertainment profited from divergent categories in three European nations in 1997 and 2007.

The given bar charts illustrate the amount of money in million euros which MG Entertainment profited from divergent categories in three European nations in 1997 and 2007. Jo3Yw
The given bar charts illustrate the amount of money in million euros which MG Entertainment profited from divergent categories in three European nations in 1997 and 2007. Overall, the company’s earnings generally declined over the period. To be specific, despite a decrease in the incomes from four fields including CDs bought from shops, cassettes, vinyl singles and LPs, those of Internet downloads and online CDs witnessed a slight growth. As it can be seen that in 1997, the profit from the German spending on purchasing CDs from shops was 45 million euros, followed by the French and Italian, at exactly € 25 and 20 million respectively. By contrast, the remainings accounted for the small extent of profit with the figures being under € 15 million among three nations; especially, Internet downloads were hardly allocated for. Over the period, although the earnings from shop CDs in German, France, and Italy fell dramatically to about 25, 15, and 12 billion euros each in 2007, online CDs and Internet downloads witnessed an opposite pattern with a slight increase in the figure to approximately 5 million euros on average. In general, the two remaining sections were loss-making.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar charts illustrate the amount of money in
Use "a million" or use a number before 'million'.
million
euros which MG Entertainment profited from divergent categories in three European nations in 1997 and 2007.

Overall
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
’s earnings
generally
declined over the period. To be specific, despite a decrease in the incomes from four fields including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
from shops, cassettes, vinyl singles and LPs, those of Internet downloads and online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
witnessed a slight growth.

As it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that in 1997, the profit from the German spending on purchasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
from shops was 45
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
euros, followed by the French and Italian, at exactly
The currency mark is usually written without any whitespace: "€25".
€ 25
and 20
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million
respectively
. By contrast, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
remainings
accounted for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
extent of profit with the figures being under
The currency mark is usually written without any whitespace: "€15".
€ 15
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million
among three nations;
especially
, Internet downloads were hardly allocated for.

Over the period, although the earnings from shop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
in German, France, and Italy fell
dramatically
to about 25, 15, and 12 billion euros each in 2007, online
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CDs
and Internet downloads witnessed an opposite pattern with a slight increase in the figure to approximately 5
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million
euros on average.
In general
, the two remaining sections were loss-making.
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IELTS academic The given bar charts illustrate the amount of money in million euros which MG Entertainment profited from divergent categories in three European nations in 1997 and 2007.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
193 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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