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the following show the main sources of rubbish collected during a public cleanup day in one city and the main sources of rubbish collected from three locations within that city

the following show the main sources of rubbish collected during a public cleanup day in one city and the main sources of rubbish collected from three locations within that city ebqrW
The given pie chart illustrates the information about the sources of rubbish that was collected in city on the public cleanup day and the table chart gives detail about three places of city from where garbage was collected. Overall, it can be seen clearly that large proportion of rubbish contained cigarette butts, while drinking straws found in small amount. Diego beach was the main source of waste in one city. Going into for the details, 40% of rubbish contained cigarette butts which was the highest percentage than others. Plastic bottles in the wastage was accounted for nearly a quarter. Glass and other products were found almost in same proportion which was approximately 10 for each. 12% aluminium cans were recorded in the rubbish. However, there was a minor share of drinking straws in the wastage was which was 8% only. Moving further, Arden park was the place where 66 kg garbage was collected which consists of 33 kg of glass, 24 kg aluminium cans and only 9 kg of cigarette butts. Large amount of rubbish was collected from diego beach as compared to others. It contained tyres, cigarette butts and plastic bottles in 563 KG, 161 kg and 60 kg respectively. In memorial park, 214 kg of cigarette butts, 108 kg of plastic bottles and 66 kg of aluminium cans were found. Togetherly, 378 kg rubbish was collected from that location.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie chart illustrates the information about the sources of
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rubbish
that
was collected
in city on the public cleanup day and the table chart gives detail about three places of city from where garbage
was collected
.

Overall
, it
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can
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
clearly
that large proportion of
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rubbish
contained
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cigarette
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
butts
, while drinking straws found in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount. Diego beach was the main source of waste in one city.

Going into for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, 40% of
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rubbish
contained
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarette
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
butts
which was the highest percentage than others. Plastic bottles in the wastage
was accounted
for
nearly
a quarter. Glass and other products
were found
almost in same proportion which was approximately 10 for each. 12%
Possible spelling mistake. 'aluminium' is British English.
aluminium
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cans
were recorded
in the
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rubbish
.
However
, there was a minor share of drinking straws in the wastage was which was 8%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.

Moving
further
, Arden park was the place where 66 kg garbage
was collected
which consists of 33 kg of glass, 24 kg
Possible spelling mistake. 'aluminium' is British English.
aluminium
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cans
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
9 kg of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarette
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
butts
. Large amount of
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rubbish
was collected
from
Possible spelling mistake found.
diego
beach as compared to others. It contained
Possible spelling mistake. 'tyres' is British English.
tyres
,
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cigarette
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
butts
and plastic bottles in 563 KG, 161 kg and 60 kg
respectively
. In memorial park, 214 kg of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarette
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
butts
, 108 kg of plastic bottles and 66 kg of
Possible spelling mistake. 'aluminium' is British English.
aluminium
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cans
were found
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Togetherly
, 378 kg
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rubbish
was collected
from that location.

IELTS academic the following show the main sources of rubbish collected during a public cleanup day in one city and the main sources of rubbish collected from three locations within that city

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
231 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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