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the the graph below shows the number of car stolen per thousand in in 4 different countries

the the graph below shows the number of car stolen per thousand in in 4 different countries kgywd
The information about the number of car that has been stolen from countries like Great Britain Sweden and Canada is depicted by the given line graph. Figures are measured in thousand per vehicle. Overall, it is evident that Great Britain was the country from which maximum number of cars has been stolen. Whereas, the number of theft from the remaining three countries be almost equal. To begin with comma in 1990 Canada experienced a theft of approximately 7, 000 cost which remains constant in the next year also. However, it in decreases gradually to around 5, 000 theft in the year 1993 before a steady rise at around 6000 in the last year. Likewise, approximately 6, 000 cars was stolen from France in 1990 which witnessed a certain fluctuations before falling at about 6000 in 1999. On the other hand, the nation of Great Britain observe the largest number of theft among all four countries. It decreases to about 16000 in 1993 before slight fluctuations and finally declined to 14000 in 1999. Moving further, Sweden during the initial period recorded less number of cases which afterwards increases continuously till the last year at nearly 12, 000.
The information about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of car that has
been stolen
from
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countries
like Great Britain Sweden and Canada
is depicted
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
line graph. Figures
are measured
in
Use "a thousand" or use a number before 'thousand'.
thousand
per vehicle.
Overall
, it is evident that Great Britain was the
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country
from which maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of cars has
been stolen
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, the
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number
of
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theft
from the remaining three
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countries
be almost equal. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with comma in 1990 Canada experienced a
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theft
of approximately 7, 000 cost which remains constant in the
next
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year
also
.
However
, it in decreases
gradually
to around 5, 000
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theft
in the
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year
1993
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a steady rise at around 6000 in the last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.
Likewise
, approximately 6, 000 cars
was stolen
from France in 1990 which witnessed a certain
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "fluctuation"?
fluctuations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
falling at about 6000 in 1999.

On the other hand
, the nation of Great Britain observe the largest
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number
of
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theft
among all four
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countries
. It decreases to about 16000 in 1993
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before
slight fluctuations and
finally
declined to 14000 in 1999. Moving
further
, Sweden during the initial period recorded less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of cases which afterwards increases
continuously
till the last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
at
nearly
12, 000.
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IELTS academic the the graph below shows the number of car stolen per thousand in in 4 different countries

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
196 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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