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The following pie charts illustrate the average of sales, connected with online shopping in Canada between 2005 and 2010.

The following pie charts illustrate the average of sales, connected with online shopping in Canada between 2005 and 2010. 531Lm
The following pie charts illustrate the average of sales, connected with online shopping in Canada between 2005 and 2010. Overall, the highest proportion of these sales was for electronic products and appliances in 2005, while food and beverages had the largest numbers in 2010. Video games online shopping contributed the smallest average, by 2005. Contrary to 2010, when sales for furniture was at the bottom of online transactions. Firstly, the proportion of online shopping for electronics and appliances was almost the 35% of total online sales in 2005, while in 2010 the numbers was considerably decreased by 5%. Moreover, the rates of home furnishing were remarkable decline to from 25% in 2005 to only 15% in 2010. On the other hand, the percentage of online sales, connected with food and beverages experienced and upward trend from 22% in 2005 to 32% at the end of the period. Last but not least, the proportion of sales for video games was risen remarkably too, by approximately 5%.
The following pie charts illustrate the average of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
, connected with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping in Canada between 2005 and 2010.

Overall
, the highest proportion of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
was for electronic products and appliances in 2005, while food and beverages had the largest numbers in 2010. Video games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping contributed the smallest average, by 2005. Contrary to 2010, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
for furniture was at the bottom of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
transactions.

Firstly
, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping for electronics and appliances was almost the 35% of total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
in 2005, while in 2010 the numbers was
considerably
decreased by 5%.
Moreover
, the rates of home furnishing were remarkable decline to from 25% in 2005 to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
15% in 2010.

On the other hand
, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
, connected with food and beverages experienced and upward trend from 22% in 2005 to 32% at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
for video games
was risen
remarkably
too, by approximately 5%.
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IELTS academic The following pie charts illustrate the average of sales, connected with online shopping in Canada between 2005 and 2010.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
165 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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