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the following diagrams show a current map of Peyton park and a plan for proposed changes.

The graphs below illustrate unemployment rate and average earning based to the level of education achieved. Overall, high school graduates has the highest unemployment rate. In contrast, graduate degree has the lowest one. In addition, high school graduates has the lowest average earning while graduate degree has the highest average earning. Unemployment rate differs based on education level. Workers who finished high school has a 5. 5% unemployment rate. Some college degree has a lower unemployment rate with 4. 2%. Meanwhile, the one who has a college degree has a rate of 2. 5%. Evidently, graduate degree has 1. 2% unemployment rate. This shows that employees who has a graduate degree has a better chances to stay permanently in their work. Average weekly earning has also an evident difference. Workers who has a graduate degree is paid more with an average of $1, 500. While college degree is paid $400 less compared to graduate degree. Moreover, workers with some college and and high school diploma are paid $675 and $600, respectively. Therefore, people who finished high school has the lowest weekly earning and highest unemployment rate. In contrast, people who got graduate degree has the highest weekly earning and lowest unemployment rate.
The graphs below illustrate
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unemployment
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rate
and
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average
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earning
based to the level of education achieved.

Overall
,
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high
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school
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graduates
has the highest
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unemployment
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rate
.
In contrast
,
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graduate
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degree
has the
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lowest
one.
In addition
,
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high
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school
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graduates
has the
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lowest
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average
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earning
while
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graduate
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degree
has the highest
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average
earning.

Unemployment
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rate
differs based on education level. Workers
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who
finished
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high
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school
has a 5. 5%
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unemployment
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rate
.
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Some
college
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degree
has a lower
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unemployment
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rate
with 4. 2%. Meanwhile, the one
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who
has a college
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degree
has a
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rate
of 2. 5%.
Evidently
,
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graduate
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degree
has 1. 2%
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unemployment
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rate
. This
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shows
that employees
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who
Did you mean "have", "haven"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'employees' should be used.
has
a
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graduate
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degree
has a better chances to stay
permanently
in their work.

Average weekly
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earning
has
also
an evident difference. Workers
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who
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has
a
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graduate
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degree
is paid
more with an
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average
of $1, 500. While college
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degree
is paid
$400 less compared to
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graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
.
Moreover
, workers with
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some
college
Possible typo: you repeated a word
and and
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high
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school
diploma
are paid
$675 and $600,
respectively
.

Therefore
,
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people
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who
finished
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high
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school
has the
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lowest
weekly
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earning
and highest
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unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
.
In contrast
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
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who
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got
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
has the highest weekly
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earning
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
.
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IELTS academic the following diagrams show a current map of Peyton park and a plan for proposed changes.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
202 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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