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The following charts illustrate the information about players of electronic games in South Korea in 2003. Write a passage the charts.

The following charts illustrate the information about players of electronic games in South Korea in 2003. Write a passage the charts. 9wXn3
The information about South Korean playing computer games in 2003 is showed in the charts. Overall, the young male gamers accounted for the highest portion in 2003 while action was the dominant type of games bought by customers in South Korea. In the age chart, people aged under 18 and from 18 to 35 were especially attracted by video games, with the figure for two being at 38% and 39% respectively. Meanwhile, for the people older than 36, they would be less willing to participate in this entertainment. The number of men being interested in the games was more than three times that of women with 72% and 28% respectively. Among those games, 43% was the index showing the proportion of people choosing action game to purchase. Games on the subject of sports and racing witnessed a similar figure at 20% and 17% respectively. Educational and role playing occupied minor states in the whole market share and the portion of other game was lowest at 6%.
The information about South Korean playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in 2003 is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
in the charts.
Overall
, the young male gamers accounted for the highest portion in 2003 while action was the dominant type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
by customers in South Korea.

In the age chart,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
aged under 18 and from 18 to 35 were
especially
attracted by video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, with the figure for two being at 38% and 39%
respectively
. Meanwhile, for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
older than 36, they would be less willing to participate in this entertainment. The number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
being interested
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
was more than three times that of women with 72% and 28%
respectively
.

Among those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, 43% was the index showing the proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
choosing action game to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
on the subject of sports and racing witnessed a similar figure at 20% and 17%
respectively
. Educational and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
role playing
occupied minor states in the whole market share and the portion of other game was lowest at 6%.
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IELTS academic The following charts illustrate the information about players of electronic games in South Korea in 2003. Write a passage the charts.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
166 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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