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The following bar charts show how young adults in Japan enjoyed their leisure time in 2005 and 2014.

The following bar charts show how young adults in Japan enjoyed their leisure time in 2005 and 2014. XVWmr
The two pie charts given showed the popularity of 5 types of hobbies among Japanese young adults in the period of nine years from 2005 to 2014. Overall, the most popular interest was cyberdating in 2005 while there was the most significant figure for reading comics in 2014. It can also be seen that Joining social clubs was the least enjoyable activity in both 2005 and 2010. Regarding the year of 2005, Japanese adolescent spending their time on cyberdating predominated at 42 percent, accounting for nearly a half of total. Ranked in the subsequent places were three other types, namely reading comics at 21 percent, watching films at 17 percent and volunteering at 15 percent, with the least remarkable amount being found in Joining social clubs at only five percent, which was eight times lower than the figure of online dating. What is worth noting from the two pie charts is that there were some changes between the 9- years period. During that phase, the reading culture in Japan was improved and well received by the young generation. It showed the strongest increase for nine years from 21 percent in 2005 to 39 percent in 2014. In contrast, entertainment on movies had a gradual downturn by seven percent with its figure accounting for 17 percent of the total in 2005 falling to the proportion of 10% after nine years. Moving onto the year of 2014, as growing after the 9-years phase, most of the time Japanese young adults spent on reading comics, accounted for 39 percent. Coming in the next ranks were Internet dating, Watching films and Volunteering at 36%, 10% and 9% correspondingly. Finally, instead of a slightly increase, Joining social clubs in that year still had the smallest proportion of 6% as lowest as 2005
The two pie charts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the popularity of 5 types of hobbies among Japanese young adults in the period of nine years from 2005 to 2014.

Overall
, the most popular interest was
Possible spelling mistake found.
cyberdating
in 2005 while there was the most significant figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
comics in 2014. It can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that Joining social clubs was the least enjoyable activity in both 2005 and 2010.

Regarding the
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year
of 2005, Japanese adolescent spending their time on
Possible spelling mistake found.
cyberdating
predominated at 42
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percent
, accounting for
nearly
a half of total. Ranked in the subsequent places were three other types,
namely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
comics at 21
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percent
, watching films at 17
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
and volunteering at 15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
, with the least remarkable amount
being found
in Joining social clubs at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
, which was eight times lower than the figure of online dating.

What is worth noting from the two pie charts is that there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
between the 9- years period. During that phase, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
culture in Japan was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well received
by the young generation. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the strongest increase for nine years from 21
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 2005 to 39
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 2014.
In contrast
, entertainment on movies had a gradual downturn by seven
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
with its figure accounting for 17
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of the total in 2005 falling to the proportion of 10% after nine years.

Moving onto the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of 2014, as growing after the 9-years phase, most of the time Japanese young adults spent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
comics, accounted for 39
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
. Coming in the
next
ranks were Internet dating, Watching films and Volunteering at 36%, 10% and 9%
correspondingly
.
Finally
,
instead
of a
You used an adverb ('slightly') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('increase') instead of another adjective.
slightly increase
, Joining social clubs in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
still
had the smallest proportion of 6% as
Did you mean "low", "lowe"?
lowest
as 2005
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IELTS academic The following bar charts show how young adults in Japan enjoyed their leisure time in 2005 and 2014.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
296 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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