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The bar chart below shows the estimated percentage of car trips taken by drivers in 2005.

The bar chart below shows the estimated percentage of car trips taken by drivers in 2005. gD2kD
The given bar chart illustrates the estimated proportion of car trips made by males and females for 8 purposes in 2005 As can be seen clearly, commuting to work was, by a great amount of, the predominant purpose. In addition, while the percentage of car trips for work, entertainment and visiting town was more preferred by male, the opposite was true for the others purpose. Specifically, more than half of total car trips were used for work by males while the figure for women was significantly lower by over 10 percent. The proportion of trips driven by males for recreation was over one fourths as much as that for work. Compared with the former, the rate for visiting town was smaller by a slight margin with the disparity between two figures being merely under 3 percent. In contrast, the percentage of car trips made by females for these purposes was noticeable less than by males, with just under 4 percent for each element. With regards to remaining purposes, the proportion of car trips made by females was higher than that of male for shopping, at 17 percent for the former and 10 percent for the latter. There were slight dissimilarities among the figures for visiting friends, running errands and bank estimated by female, at 8, 9, and 10 percent respectively while those by male were under 4 percent.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart illustrates the estimated proportion of
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car
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trips
made by
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males
and
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females
for 8
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purposes
in 2005

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
clearly
, commuting to
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work
was, by a great amount of, the predominant
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purpose
.
In addition
, while the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, entertainment and visiting town was more preferred by male, the opposite was true for the others purpose.

Specifically
, more than half of total
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car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
while the figure for women was
significantly
lower by over 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
. The proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
driven by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
for recreation was over
Don't use the number 'one' with plural words. Did you mean "one fourth", "a fourth", or simply "fourths"?
one fourths
as much as that for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Compared with the former, the rate for visiting town was smaller by a slight margin with the disparity between two figures being
merely
under 3
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percent
.
In contrast
, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
made by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purposes
was noticeable less than by
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males
, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
for each element.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
remaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purposes
, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
made by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
was higher than that of male for shopping, at 17
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
for the former and 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
for the latter. There were slight dissimilarities among the figures for visiting friends, running errands and bank estimated by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
, at 8, 9, and 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
respectively
while those by male were under 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
.
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IELTS academic The bar chart below shows the estimated percentage of car trips taken by drivers in 2005.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
228 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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