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The first pie chart illustrates the proportion of water consumed for six different products in 2004. The second chart indicates the percentage of total income generated from these products in the same year.

The first pie chart illustrates the proportion of water consumed for six different products in 2004. The second chart indicates the percentage of total income generated from these products in the same year. RR3Bp
The first pie chart illustrates the proportion of water consumed for six different products in 2004. The second chart indicates the percentage of total income generated from these products in the same year. Overall, it can be seen that the largest proportion of water was used for vegetables and fruits. Besides, these two products were also the major sources of total income in 2004. Vegetables accounted for the greatest percentage of water consumed, at 46%. This was followed by fruits, making up a much lower proportion (28%). The figure for lime was two-thirds of that for cereal, at 8% and 12%, respectively. Meanwhile, rice and dandelion shared the same percentage, at 3% each. 40% of total income was from fruits, higher than that earned from vegetables by 9%, while cereal constituted 12% of the total income. The figure for lime was equal to that for dandelion, at 8% each. Noticeably, only 1% of the total income was generated from rice.
The
first
pie chart illustrates the proportion of water consumed for six
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
products in 2004. The second chart indicates the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
generated from these products in the same year.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the largest proportion of water was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for vegetables and fruits.
Besides
, these two products were
also
the major sources of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
in 2004.

Vegetables accounted for the greatest percentage of water consumed, at 46%. This
was followed
by fruits, making up a much lower proportion (28%). The figure for lime was two-thirds of that for cereal, at 8% and 12%,
respectively
. Meanwhile, rice and dandelion shared the same percentage, at 3% each.

40% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
was from fruits, higher than that earned from vegetables by 9%, while cereal constituted 12% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
. The figure for lime was equal to that for dandelion, at 8% each.
Noticeably
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
was generated
from rice.
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IELTS academic The first pie chart illustrates the proportion of water consumed for six different products in 2004. The second chart indicates the percentage of total income generated from these products in the same year.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
160 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • The first pie chart illustrates the proportion of water consumed for six different products in 2004. The second chart indicates the percentage of total income generated from these products in the same year.