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The first chart depicts the proportion of electrical equipment that was used in houses, the second one reveals the amount of time of domestic tasks on the weekly basis in a nation over the period of 99 years starting from 1920.

The first chart depicts the proportion of electrical equipment that was used in houses, the second one reveals the amount of time of domestic tasks on the weekly basis in a nation over the period of 99 years starting from 1920. pK9ww
The first chart depicts the proportion of electrical equipment that was used in houses, the second one reveals the amount of time of domestic tasks on the weekly basis in a nation over the period of 99 years starting from 1920. Overall, it is clear that the percentage of electrical tools in households increased between 1920 to 2019; Meanwhile, the figure for the time of housework per week witnessed an decrease at the same time. Additionally, in 1920, quantities of electric-related devices were the lowest, but saw the highest number of hours of weekly housework. Moreover, washing machine and vacuum cleaner gained a real reputation over the research period. Regarding the information of households with electric-linked appliances, there were no household units that possessed a washing machine in 1920. By following 60 years, 100% of units owned this device and it was remained stably until 2019. Furthermore, the households had vacuum cleaner and refrigerator in 1920 registered 30% and 40%, respectively. the former grew gradually to 100% in 2019, while the later climbed to 70% in 1960, which fluctuated afterward and ended up at roughly 75% in 2019. At the beginning of the period, 1920, there were 50 hours of housework per week, this number was reduced significantly to 20 hours in 1960. Later on, it declined gradually to 10 at the end of the period.
The
first
chart depicts the proportion of electrical equipment that was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, the second one reveals the amount of time of domestic tasks on the weekly basis in a nation over the period of 99 years starting from 1920.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the percentage of electrical tools in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
households
increased
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 1920 and 2019".
between 1920 to 2019
; Meanwhile, the figure for the time of housework per week witnessed
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
decrease at the same time.
Additionally
, in 1920, quantities of electric-related devices were the lowest,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the highest number of hours of weekly housework.
Moreover
, washing machine and vacuum cleaner gained a real reputation over the research period.

Regarding the information of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
households
with electric-linked appliances, there were no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
units that possessed a washing machine in 1920. By following 60 years, 100% of units
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
this device and it
was remained
stably
until 2019.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
households
had vacuum cleaner and refrigerator in 1920 registered 30% and 40%,
respectively
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
former grew
gradually
to 100% in 2019, while the
Did you mean "latter" (=the second of two items)?
later
climbed to 70% in 1960, which fluctuated afterward and ended up at roughly 75% in 2019.

At the beginning of the period, 1920, there were 50 hours of housework per week, this number was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
significantly
to 20 hours in 1960. Later on, it declined
gradually
to 10 at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period.
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IELTS academic The first chart depicts the proportion of electrical equipment that was used in houses, the second one reveals the amount of time of domestic tasks on the weekly basis in a nation over the period of 99 years starting from 1920.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
226 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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