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The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period. wood
The two charts represents the money spent by British parents on their children's sports and also participation of children in individual sports like football, athletics and swimming in the period of 2008 to 2014. Overall, there was a sustainable and continual improvement of spending money to their sons, daughters or both by the UK parents showed in the first graph. How the fluctuations of children's participation were happened over the 6 years of period in all the 3 games was shown? First graph illustrates the inclination of slope by nearly 5% in all the years starting from 20 pounds in 2008 to 32 pounds in 2014. The Great Britain parents are spending a lot of amount for their children's sports activities. Second graph tell about the number of children's participation in various sports like football, athletics and swimming. There was continuous inclination for swimming sport over the 6 years. It had started with participation of about nearly 2 million children in 2008 and increased to nearly 4 million at the end of 2014. But, there was a huge deviation of participants in athletics sports, with a minimal participants of about nearly 1 million children and touches the hill top in the year of 2012 of about 5 million, later it reduces over 0. 5 million children in 2014. there was a constant increase of participants for football sport starting from 8 million participants in 2008 year to nearly 9 million children at the end of 2014. compared to all these sports, most of the children likely to participate for the football game from starting.
The two charts represents the money spent by British parents on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
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sports
and
also
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participation
of
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children
in individual
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sports
like
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football
, athletics and swimming in the period of 2008 to 2014.

Overall
, there was a sustainable and continual improvement of spending money to their sons, daughters or both by the UK parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
in the
first
graph. How the fluctuations of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participation
were happened
over the 6 years of period in all the 3 games
was shown
?

First
graph illustrates the inclination of slope by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nearly
5% in all the years starting from
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
20 pounds
in 2008 to
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
32 pounds
in 2014. The Great Britain parents are spending
Possible agreement error. The noun amount seems to be countable; consider using: "a lot of amounts".
a lot of amount
for their
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children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities.

Second graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
about the number of
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children's
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participation
in various
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sports
like
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football
, athletics and swimming. There was continuous inclination for swimming
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sport
over the 6 years. It had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with
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participation
of about
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nearly
2
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million
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children
in 2008 and increased to
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nearly
4
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million
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of 2014.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, there was a huge deviation of
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participants
in athletics
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sports
, with a minimal
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "participant"?
participants
of about
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nearly
1
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million
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children
and touches the hill top in the
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year
of 2012 of about 5
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million
, later it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
over 0. 5
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million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in 2014.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
there
was a constant increase of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participants
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
starting from 8
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million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participants
in 2008
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year
to
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nearly
9
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million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of 2014.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
compared
to all these
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sports
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
likely to participate for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
game from starting.
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IELTS academic The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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