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The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period. Kbk9
The line charts indicate how much money parents paid for their kids's sports and which sports are the top-three famous sports among children in the U. K. from 2008 to 2014. Overall, it is clear from the chart that the average monthly expenditure for children's sports was increased every year. Meanwhile, the sports which children participated the most was football, athletics and swimming. The first line chart shows that parents spent their money on children's sports around 20 pounds in 2008 and this figures climbed up every year until 2014, it reached to over 30 pounds. Whereas, the second chart illustrates football is the most popular sport of all time with approximately 7. 5-9 millions of children participated in this activity. Children also joined swimming at almost 2. 5 millions in 2008 and its number was jumped to nearly 5 millions in 2014. Last but not least, Athletics was also made up a significant proportion even though the amount of participants was less than the first two sports in the early stage with very small numbers in 2008, however atheletics became well-know and experienced a sharp increase in 2012 with nearly 5 millions children.
The line
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charts
indicate how much money parents paid for their
Did you mean "kid's" or "kids'"?
kids's
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sports
and which
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sports
are the top-three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
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sports
among
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children
in the U. K. from 2008 to 2014.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
that the average monthly expenditure for children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
was increased
every year. Meanwhile, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
participated the most was football, athletics and swimming.

The
first
line
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chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that parents spent their money on children's
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sports
around
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
20 pounds
in 2008 and this figures climbed up every year until 2014, it reached to over
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
30 pounds
.

“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, the second
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chart
illustrates football is the most popular
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sport
of all time with approximately 7. 5-9
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millions
of
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children
participated in this activity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
swimming at almost 2. 5
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millions
in 2008 and its number
was jumped
to
nearly
5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
in 2014. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, Athletics was
also
made up a significant proportion
even though
the amount of participants was less than the
first
two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in the early stage with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
numbers in 2008,
however
Possible spelling mistake found.
atheletics
became well-know and experienced a sharp increase in 2012 with
nearly
5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
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IELTS academic The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
194 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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