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The figure illustrates the process of making dairy products

The figure illustrates the process of making dairy products DVXY6
The figure illustrates the process of making dairy products which includes workers and various producing lines with machines. The initial impression from the graph is that all dairy products are made in the same factory and, the whole production from milking cows to being ready for selling in supermarkets; happens in less than 24 hours. The first step is that the cows are not ready for the milking stage unless they are grazed well; After milking cows by machines twice a day, the machines have transferred the milk to the refrigeration storage. Then, a milk tanker comes for delivering the milk to the dairy factory which must happen on a daily basis. The following process is in order to manufacture the milk to any dairy which happens in a factory; First, after some processes, the milk turns into the products like cheese, cream, and butter, but the milk is packaged only if they are pasteurized; and selling the products in supermarkets and shops marks the final stage.
The figure illustrates the process of making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dairy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which includes workers and various producing lines with machines.

The initial impression from the graph is that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dairy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are made
in the same factory and, the whole production from milking cows to being ready for selling in supermarkets; happens in less than 24 hours.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
first
step is that the cows are not ready for the milking stage unless they
are grazed
well; After milking cows by machines twice a day, the machines have transferred the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
milk
to the refrigeration storage. Then, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
milk
tanker
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
for delivering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
milk
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dairy
factory which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
happen on a daily basis.

The following process is in order to manufacture the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
milk
to any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dairy
which happens in a factory;
First
, after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
processes, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
milk
turns into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
like cheese, cream, and butter,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
milk
is packaged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if they
are pasteurized
; and selling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in supermarkets and shops marks the final stage.

IELTS academic The figure illustrates the process of making dairy products

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
167 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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