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the figure for the consumption of water for five industries

the figure for the consumption of water for five industries 8L10l
The line chart gives information about water consumers that people use in five fields, and the bar chart shows the percent of water used in residential consumption. Overall, the amount of water consumption in the residential field is the highest expenditure in the pie chart. On the other hand, the proportion of water consumption in the industrial and business filed is the same. As for the bar chart, using water for the garden and bathroom is ranked at the top, but that of the kitchen is at the bottom. In the pie chart, it is clear that the consumption of residentiary water is the most effective rate, at 70 percent, nearly seven-fold that of industrial and business water, which the former is the higher than the latter, difference barely at 1 %. On the other hand, the other is responsible for the smallest proportion, at only 3 %. In the case of the bar chart, using water for garden and bathroom at the top, at 28 percent and 27 percent, respectively. The amount of water for the garden is merely under tripple to the kitchen that is at 10 percent. Following the first range is that washing clothes and toilet consumed occupy at 20 and 15 percent.
The line
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chart
gives information about
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water
consumers that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in five fields, and the bar
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chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
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percent
of
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water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in residential consumption.

Overall
, the amount of
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water
consumption in the residential field is the highest expenditure in the pie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
.
On the other hand
, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
consumption in the industrial and business filed is the same. As for the bar
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chart
, using
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water
for the garden and bathroom
is ranked
at the top,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that of the kitchen is at the bottom.

In the pie
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chart
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the consumption of
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residentiary
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water
is the most effective rate, at 70
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percent
,
nearly
seven-fold that of industrial and business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
, which the former is the higher than the latter, difference
barely
at 1 %.
On the other hand
, the other is responsible for the smallest proportion, at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
3 %.

In the case of the bar
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chart
, using
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water
for garden and bathroom at the top, at 28
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percent
and 27
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percent
,
respectively
. The amount of
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water
for the garden is
merely
under
Possible spelling mistake found.
tripple
to the kitchen
that is
at 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
. Following the
first
range is that washing clothes and toilet consumed occupy at 20 and 15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
.
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IELTS academic the figure for the consumption of water for five industries

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
207 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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