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The enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities

these graphs shows the number of foreign students and local students in Australian universities during ten years from 2001 to 2010. It is clear from the graphs that the rate of enrolments had increased during the Period. According to what is shown, the number of foreign students and domestic students who were accpeted in universities in Australia increased dramatically over these ten years. There is a tremen d ous difference between the number of international students accepted in Australian universities in 2001 and 2010. There were only 20000 overseas students enrolled in Australian universities in 2001. Ten years later, the number soared to over 80000. With regard to the number of local students enrolled in Australian universities, it was more than 10000 in 2001 and the number gradually grow up to 40000 in 2009. However, the growth started to slow down in 2010. The statistics of 2009 and 2010 were similar. To sum up, the number of overseas and local studnts who received acceptance from Australian universities incleased rapidly between 2001 and 2010. From the statistics in these graphs we Could say that more and more people receive the opportunity to go to universities.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
these
graphs
You should probably use "show".
shows
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
during ten years from 2001 to 2010. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the graphs that the rate of
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolments' is British English.
enrolments
had increased during the Period. According to what
is shown
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who were
Possible spelling mistake found.
accpeted
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
in Australia increased
dramatically
over these ten years. There is a
Possible spelling mistake found.
tremen
d
Possible spelling mistake found.
ous
difference between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
in Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
in 2001 and 2010. There were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
20000 overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
enrolled in Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
in 2001. Ten years later, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
soared to over 80000. With regard to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
enrolled in Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
, it was more than 10000 in 2001 and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
gradually
grow up to 40000 in 2009.
However
, the growth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to slow down in 2010. The statistics of 2009 and 2010 were similar. To sum up, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of overseas and local
Possible spelling mistake found.
studnts
who received acceptance from Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
Possible spelling mistake found.
incleased
rapidly
between 2001 and 2010. From the statistics in these graphs we Could say that more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
receive the opportunity to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
.
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IELTS academic The enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
194 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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