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the energy use purposes of the common Australian’s households the greenhouse gas emissions that produced by each of these purposes

the energy use purposes of the common Australian’s households the greenhouse gas emissions that produced by each of these purposes 66aqG
The first pie chart below illustrates the energy use purposes of the common Australian’s households. Meanwhile, the following chart displays the percentage of the greenhouse gas emissions that produced by each of these purposes. Mostly, people have used energy for heating. Furthermore, water heating had a biggest contribution of the greenhouse gas production rather than other energy use purposes. Specifically, based on the first chart, heating had contributed as many as 42 percent of the total energy use. In the subsequent rank, water heating had been a reason of 30 percent households in Australia, followed by other appliances, refrigeration, lighting, and cooling. In terms of greenhouse gas emissions, water heating instead had contributed 32 percent of the total gas emissions which made it as the highest contributor of this matter. In contrast, cooling only reached 3 percent. This is how cooling had still been known as the lowest contributor of the gas emissions.
The
first
pie chart below illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
purposes of the common Australian’s households. Meanwhile, the following chart displays the percentage of the greenhouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emissions
that produced by each of these purposes.

Mostly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
.
Furthermore
, water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
had
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
biggest contribution of the greenhouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
production
rather
than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
purposes.

Specifically
, based on the
first
chart,
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heating
had contributed as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
as 42
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. In the subsequent rank, water
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heating
had been a reason of 30
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percent
households in Australia, followed by other appliances, refrigeration, lighting, and cooling.

In terms of greenhouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emissions
, water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
instead
had contributed 32
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emissions
which made it as the highest contributor of this matter.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
contrast, cooling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
reached 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
. This is how cooling had
still
been known
as the lowest contributor of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emissions
.
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IELTS academic the energy use purposes of the common Australian’s households the greenhouse gas emissions that produced by each of these purposes

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
153 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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