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The diagrams show the number of participants ( males and females) who have entered in Olympics since it started.

The diagrams show the number of participants ( males and females) who have entered in Olympics since it started. 6BGB
The diagrams show the number of participants ( males and females) who have entered in Olympics since it started. The numbers of participants have definitely increased in all the years, it started from almost 3000 players in 1924 to over 10000 athletes in 2012 Olympics. The first ever Olympics tournament, held in 1924, had around 3000 men and almost insignificant number of women. In the year 1952, the number of participants rose, however, the increase in number of males is more noticeable than in female, that is, only 500 women were there in comparison with 4500 men. The number of female candidates went up to 1500 with more than 5000 males in the year 1984. During the recent Olympics games held in 2012, the number of females participants rose significantly up to nearly 4500 while the number of males were around 6000. In conclusion, the trend of number of players including both men and women, participating in Olympics over the years is basically upwards.
The diagrams
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show
the
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number
of
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participants
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
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males
and
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females)
who have entered in Olympics since it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participants
have definitely increased in all the years, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
from almost 3000 players in 1924 to over 10000 athletes in 2012 Olympics.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
first
ever Olympics tournament, held in 1924, had around 3000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and almost insignificant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of women. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1952, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participants
rose,
however
, the increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
is more noticeable than in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
,
that is
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
500 women were there
in comparison
with 4500
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
candidates went up to 1500 with more than 5000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1984.

During the recent Olympics games held in 2012, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participants
rose
significantly
up to
nearly
4500 while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
were around 6000.

In conclusion
, the trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of players including both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women, participating in Olympics over the years is
basically
upwards.

IELTS academic The diagrams show the number of participants ( males and females) who have entered in Olympics since it started.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
164 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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