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The diagrams indicates the production of sugar from natural sugar canes

The diagrams indicates the production of sugar from natural sugar canes 0EXmq
The diagrams indicates the production of sugar from natural sugar canes. It is clear that there have been 7 different steps during the process, starts with harvesting and ends with products. Especially, sugar cane is the unique ingredient, without any chemicals. Observing from the diagram, we can see the first stage is harvesting sugar canes which are cultivated in 1-1. 5 year. Then they are harvested manually by farmers with the help of sickles or entirely by industrial reaper. After being removed roots and tops, sugar canes are crushed in machine-pressed to extract the juice. Before entering the heater to be thickened into syrup, juice passed through a filter made of limestone to eliminate eliminate any unwanted substance. Afterwards, syrup transferred into a centrifuge, which rotates at a very high speed to make sure sugar crystals are separated from the liquid. Finally, sugar is dried and cooled with approriate temperature to be ready for customers.
The diagrams
You should probably use "indicate".
indicates
the production of
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sugar
from natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
canes
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that there have been 7
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
steps during the process,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
with harvesting and ends with products.
Especially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cane
is the unique ingredient, without any chemicals.

Observing from the diagram, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
first
stage is harvesting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
canes
which
are cultivated
in 1-1. 5 year. Then they
are harvested
manually
by farmers with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of sickles or
entirely
by industrial reaper. After
being removed
roots and tops,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
canes
are crushed
in machine-pressed to extract the juice.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
entering the heater to
be thickened
into syrup, juice passed through a filter made of limestone to
Possible typo: you repeated a word
eliminate eliminate
any unwanted substance. Afterwards, syrup transferred into a centrifuge, which rotates at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high speed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
crystals
are separated
from the liquid.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
is dried
and cooled with
Possible spelling mistake found.
approriate
temperature to be ready for customers.
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IELTS academic The diagrams indicates the production of sugar from natural sugar canes

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
155 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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