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the diagrams below show the growth population in Australia in 2001

the diagrams below show the growth population in Australia in 2001 brB7W
The diagrams illustrate how the population grew in Australia in the year 2001. Overall, North and West European was the most significant part of immigrants to Australia in the year 2001, while North African and Middle East contributed the least to immigrants. The top two pie charts show there are a very slight increase in Australian population growth in 2001. The increase came fairly equal from natural birth population and immigrants moving to Australia. The bottom pie chart provides the information about immigrants to Australia that make population had changed throughout the year. The contribution of 34%, North and West Europe played a huge role in making population grow. Thus, Asia was 23% and South and East Europe was 21%, both the next largest immigrant. Besides, New Zealand made up 9% of immigrant population and America with only 1% left was 8% of contribution. Finally, the smallest immigrant was North Africa and Middle East accounted for 5% throughout the period.
The diagrams illustrate how the
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population
grew in Australia in the year 2001.

Overall
,
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North
and West European was the most significant part of
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immigrants
to Australia in the year 2001, while
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North
African and Middle East contributed the least to immigrants.

The top two pie charts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
there are a
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very
slight increase in Australian
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population
growth in 2001. The increase came
fairly
equal from natural birth
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population
and
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immigrants
moving to Australia.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
bottom pie chart provides the information about
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immigrants
to Australia that
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make
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population
had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
throughout the year.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
contribution of 34%,
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North
and West Europe played a huge role in making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
grow.
Thus
, Asia was 23% and South and East Europe was 21%, both the
next
largest
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immigrant
.
Besides
, New Zealand made up 9% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
and America with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
was 8% of contribution.
Finally
, the smallest
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immigrant
was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
North
Africa and Middle East accounted for 5% throughout the period.
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IELTS academic the diagrams below show the growth population in Australia in 2001

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
160 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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