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The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West park Secondary School since its construction in 1950.

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West park Secondary School since its construction in 1950. oREmV
These pictures illustrates the changes that taken place between the year 1950 to 2010. From an overall perspective it can been seen that the school has expanded by adding a science block and the farmland has been converted into sportsfield then to a car park and many other changes took place. Firstly, the houses which is in the left of the school has been redesigned to a car park and the school has extended its campus by adding a science block and the farmland which is located below the houses has been changed to sportsfield in the year 1980. Secondly, the car park which has expanded its boundaries by taking the space of sportsfield and the sportsfield has been shilfted slightly to the right and occupy some of the place from the playground in the year 2010. In contrast, the main road has not been changed between the year 1950 to 2010 In sum, there are many substantial changes that took place between the given time frame, the major changes that happened in the first interval will be the enlargement of the school campus by removing the houses and the significant changes that happened in the second part will be increasing the car park by reducing the size of sportsfield and the playground.
These pictures
You should probably use "illustrate".
illustrates
the
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changes
that taken place between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1950 to 2010. From an
overall
perspective it
Did you mean "can be" or "has been"?
can been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the
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school
has expanded by adding a science block and the farmland has
been converted
into
Possible spelling mistake found.
sportsfield
then to a
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car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
took place.

Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
which is in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
has
been redesigned
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
has extended its campus by adding a science block and the farmland which
is located
below the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
sportsfield
in the
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year
1980.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
which has expanded its boundaries by taking the space of
Possible spelling mistake found.
sportsfield
and the
Possible spelling mistake found.
sportsfield
has been
Possible spelling mistake found.
shilfted
slightly
to the right and occupy
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
place from the playground in the
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year
2010.

In contrast
, the main road has not been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1950 to 2010

In sum, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
substantial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
that took place between the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
time frame, the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
that happened in the
first
interval will be the enlargement of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
campus by removing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and the significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
that happened in the second part will be increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
by reducing the size of
Possible spelling mistake found.
sportsfield
and the playground.

IELTS academic The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West park Secondary School since its construction in 1950.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
213 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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