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The diagram shows the process by which milk and related products are manufactured. Summarise it

The diagram shows the process by which milk and related products are manufactured. Summarise it yG2RP
The diagram illustrates the process by which milk and related products are manufactured. The procedure mainly happens within three places that is farm, dairy and supermarket. Overall, the process begins from the farm where the cow gaze and end up in the supermarket moreover it is a step-by-step process. Initially, milk from the cow has been collected by milking machine twice a day and stored in refrigerators. After delivering milk to dairy by milk tankers daily the important stage begins. The milk undergoes pasteurization whereas by products such as cheese, cream butter are separated. Finally, the milk as well as related products are packed and delivered to shops and supermarkets where it can be sold.
The diagram illustrates the process by which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
milk
and related products
are manufactured
. The procedure
mainly
happens within three places
that is
farm, dairy and supermarket.

Overall
, the process
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
from the farm where the cow gaze and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in the supermarket
moreover
it is a step-by-step process.

Initially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
milk
from the cow has
been collected
by milking machine twice a day and stored in refrigerators.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
delivering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
milk
to dairy by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
milk
tankers daily the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
stage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
milk
undergoes pasteurization whereas by products such as cheese, cream butter
are separated
.
Finally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
milk
as well
as related products
are packed
and delivered to shops and supermarkets where it can
be sold
.

IELTS academic The diagram shows the process by which milk and related products are manufactured. Summarise it

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
115 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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