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The diagram shows the lifespan of salmon

The diagram shows the lifespan of salmon aQmDX
The following diagram illustrates the complete life cycle of a salmon. It’s whole life cycle lasts for up to 8 years. Here, it can be seen that the life cycle of a salmon has 7 prominent stages until it fully develops into a spawning adult and dies. The life cycle commences when the mature adult salmon deposits eggs in the fresh water. These eggs hatch in around three months. The next stage is called as alevin in which the juvenile fish still feeds off the yolk inside it for several weeks. Then comes the fry stage where the fish develops ability to swim on its own when it is around 5-10 weeks old. In the fourth stage of the life cycle, known as Parr, when the fish is a few months old, the mature stage starts kicking off and finger markings on the body are noticeable. Stage five is the Smolt stage, fish is a good 1 to 3 years old and embarks on the journey of heading out to the sea solitarily. After which, it turns to an adult and have already spent around 8 years in the sea. It, furthermore, turns into a spawning adult who is ready to lay eggs in the fresh water again. After spawning, the adult salmon dies within a two-week span.
The following diagram illustrates the complete
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life
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cycle
of a salmon. It’s whole
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life
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cycle
lasts for up to 8 years. Here, it can be
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seen
that the
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life
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cycle
of a salmon has 7 prominent
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stages
until it
fully
develops into a spawning adult and
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dies
.

The
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life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cycle
commences when the mature adult salmon deposits eggs in the fresh water. These eggs hatch in around three months. The
next
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stage
is called
as
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alevin
in which the juvenile fish
still
feeds off the yolk inside it for several weeks. Then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
the fry
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stage
where the fish develops ability to swim on its
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own
when it is around 5-10 weeks
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old
.

In the fourth
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stage
of the
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life
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cycle
, known as Parr, when the fish is a few months
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old
, the mature
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stage
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starts
kicking off and finger markings on the body are noticeable.
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Stage
five is the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Smolt
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stage
, fish is a
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good
1 to 3 years
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old
and embarks on the journey of heading out to the sea
Possible spelling mistake found.
solitarily
. After which, it turns to an adult and have already spent around 8 years in the sea. It,
furthermore
, turns into a spawning adult who is ready to lay eggs in the fresh water again. After spawning, the adult salmon
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dies
within a two-week span.
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IELTS academic The diagram shows the lifespan of salmon

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
218 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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