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The Diagram show how the process of sugar is made from sugar cane

The Diagram show how the process of sugar is made from sugar cane M3bRp
The Diagram show how the process of sugar is made from sugar cane There is seven steps for the process for making sugar from sugar cane, it all starts with the first three steps on the fields, which is growing that will takes 12 to 18 months, and continue with harvesting process, it can be done manually by man or by a machine, and finishing the third step on the field is crushing, from the raw material into a juice. However, the rest and most part of the process will be done on the lab, and only three steps is done on the field which is continue into another four steps which is purifying the juice, evaporate the juice for becoming a syrup and separate the sugar from the syrup before it can be drying and cooling. Overall the main process of making a sugar is divided by two main processes from growing to crushing and continue with purifying until drying and cooling for the finishing steps.
The Diagram
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show
how the
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process
of
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sugar
is made
from
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sugar
cane

There is seven
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steps
for the
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process
for making
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sugar
from
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sugar
cane, it all
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starts
with the
first
three
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steps
on the fields, which is growing that will takes 12 to 18 months, and continue with harvesting
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process
, it can
be done
manually
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
or by a machine, and finishing the third
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step
on the field is crushing, from the raw material into a juice.

However
, the rest and most part of the
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process
will
be done
on the lab, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
three
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steps
is done
on the field which is
Consider using a past participle here: "continued".
continue
into another four
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steps
which is purifying the juice, evaporate the juice for becoming a syrup and separate the
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sugar
from the syrup
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it can be drying and cooling.

Overall
the main
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process
of making a
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sugar
is divided
by two main
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processes
from growing to crushing and continue with purifying until drying and cooling for the finishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steps
.
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IELTS academic The Diagram show how the process of sugar is made from sugar cane

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
167 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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