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The diagram indicates the key stages in production of milk.

The diagram indicates the key stages in production of milk. B7Rom

The given process demonstrates how products are made from milk. As can be seen, there are 3 main steps involved in the production, starting with milking cows in the farm and ending with distributing milk parking or making product from cow’s milk. First of all, the process commences when cows grazing is carefully selected and cared for a good condition such as environment or food. Twice a day, the cows are taken to the cages and milked by a milking machine. Then, cow’s milk is contained in the tankers and shipped to refrigeration storage to preserve. Following that, the cow’s milk is delivered from the farm to the Dairy by milk tanker every day. After that, cow’s milk is contained tankers and cooked to made products from cow’s milk such as cheese, cream and butter. Alternatively, having been pasteurized, the cow’s milk is subsequently packaged and become milk pasteurized cans. Finally, the milk pasteurized cans are delivered to agency like super markets or shops.

The This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :accorded
given
 process demonstrates how products are made
 from milk.

As can be This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :witnessed
seen
, there are 3 main steps involved in the production, starting with milking You use this word too often, consider replacing it withdisheartenterrorizesubduefazefrightenunnerve
cows
 in the farm and ending with distributing You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcreambuttermilkhalf-and-half
milk
 parking or making product from You use this word too often, consider replacing it withdisheartenterrorizesubduefazefrightenunnerve
cow’s
 milk.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".First
First of all
, the process commences when You use this word too often, consider replacing it withdisheartenterrorizesubduefazefrightenunnerve
cows
 grazing is carefully
 selected and cared for a This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :beneficialproduct
good
 condition such as environment or food. Twice a day, the You use this word too often, consider replacing it withdisheartenterrorizesubduefazefrightenunnerve
cows
are taken
 to the cages and milked by a milking machine. Then, You use this word too often, consider replacing it withdisheartenterrorizesubduefazefrightenunnerve
cow’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcreambuttermilkhalf-and-half
milk
is contained
 in the tankers and shipped to refrigeration storage to preserve. Following that, the You use this word too often, consider replacing it withdisheartenterrorizesubduefazefrightenunnerve
cow’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcreambuttermilkhalf-and-half
milk
is delivered
 from the farm to the Dairy by You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcreambuttermilkhalf-and-half
milk
 tanker every day. After that, You use this word too often, consider replacing it withdisheartenterrorizesubduefazefrightenunnerve
cow’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcreambuttermilkhalf-and-half
milk
is contained
 tankers and cooked to made products from You use this word too often, consider replacing it withdisheartenterrorizesubduefazefrightenunnerve
cow’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcreambuttermilkhalf-and-half
milk
 such as cheese, cream and butter. Alternatively
, having been pasteurized
, the You use this word too often, consider replacing it withdisheartenterrorizesubduefazefrightenunnerve
cow’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcreambuttermilkhalf-and-half
milk
 is subsequently
 packaged and become You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcreambuttermilkhalf-and-half
milk
 pasteurized cans. Finally
, the You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcreambuttermilkhalf-and-half
milk
 pasteurized cans are delivered
 to agency like super markets or shops. 

IELTS academic The diagram indicates the key stages in production of milk.

Academic

American English

3 paragraphs

164 words

6.0

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
?
One main idea per paragraph
?
Include an introduction and conclusion
?
Support main points with an explanation and then an example
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
?
Vary your linking phrases using synonyms

Lexical Resource: 6.0

Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes

Grammatical Range: 6.5

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
Check your writing for errors

Task Achievement: 6.5

Answer all parts of the question
?
Present relevant ideas
Fully explain these ideas
?
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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