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The diagram illustrates the procedure that needed to be performed in canning of fish.

The diagram illustrates the procedure that needed to be performed in canning of fish. 1njrM
The diagram illustrates the procedure that needed to be performed in canning of fish. Overall, the process involve several steps, starting with fishing and ending with dispatching it to the supermarket. Initially, the fishes are caught and frozen at a temperature of -18 degree in the ship. Then, these fishes are unloaded and transferred to weighing machine before thawing. The next step is cutting into huge pieces for steam cooking. After cooking, these are cooled for the next stage for filleting and sliced into smaller pieces. Then, these are transferred into small containers with brine, water or oil is added to it. The next stage is sealing the container and is carried forward for sterilizing by heating, after cooling it moves to labelling division with a label ‘TUNA TREATS’ printed on it. Then, it shifted to storage facility packed in batches. Finally, dispatch to supermarket for sale through heavy goods vehicle.
The diagram illustrates the procedure that needed to
be performed
in canning of fish.

Overall
, the process involve several steps, starting with fishing and ending with dispatching it to the supermarket.

Initially
, the fishes
are caught
and frozen at a temperature of -18 degree in the ship. Then, these fishes
are unloaded
and transferred to weighing machine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
thawing. The
next
step is cutting into huge pieces for steam cooking. After cooking, these
are cooled
for the
next
stage for filleting and sliced into smaller pieces. Then, these
are transferred
into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
containers with brine, water or oil is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to it. The
next
stage is sealing the container and
is carried
forward for sterilizing by heating, after cooling it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
to labelling division with a label ‘TUNA TREATS’ printed on it. Then, it shifted to storage facility packed in batches.
Finally
, dispatch to supermarket for sale through heavy
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "goods'" or "good's"?
goods
vehicle.
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IELTS academic The diagram illustrates the procedure that needed to be performed in canning of fish.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
151 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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