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the diagram illustrates how bees produce honey

the diagram illustrates how bees produce honey yrKM
This diagram shows how the bees produce the honey. It is clear from the diagram there are 7 steps that the bees follow to make honey which begins with the hive building and ends when the honey is ready to use. First, the bees try to build hives for them to live inside. After they finish building their home they leave the hives to wander in the garden where there are lots of roses and flowers. In the same time, they work together as one group to collect the nectar from the flowers. After that, they take it to their hive and put it inside the cells as we can see in fourth step. Turn to the next step when the hive be full they try to fan the cell by using their wings. As a result the water evaporate from the cells to produce the honey. At the end they get honey which is usable and produced and the steps are complete.
This diagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
how the bees produce the honey. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the diagram there are 7
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steps
that the bees follow to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
honey which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
with the hive building and ends when the honey is ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.

First
, the bees try to build hives for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
inside. After they finish building their home they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the hives to wander in the garden where there are lots of roses and flowers. In the same time, they work together as one group to collect the nectar from the flowers. After that, they take it to their hive and put it inside the cells as we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in fourth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
step
. Turn to the
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
step
when the hive be full they try to fan the cell by using their wings.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result the water evaporate from the cells to produce the honey.

At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
honey which is usable and produced and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steps
are complete.

IELTS academic the diagram illustrates how bees produce honey

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
163 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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