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The diagram below shows the water cycle, which is the continuous movement of water on, above and below the surface of the Earth.

The diagram below shows the water cycle, which is the continuous movement of water on, above and below the surface of the Earth. OVya7
The diagram explains the way in which water flows on above and below the surface of the earth. Overall, it can be seen that the process consists of stages beginning with the cloud formation and ending with the condensing water vapour. Furthermore, the cycle repeats. First of all, the water particles are collected (on- use in )the sky to form a cloud. After that, these cloud melts and come down to earth as rain, and the process is called precipitation, which is collected in the water bodies like lakes. These water helps trees to grow green. In the next stage, the melted snow water from the higher altitude runs down the the ground to impervious layer. Following this, the groundwater proceed to the ocean, where the intrusim occurring with the salt water. After that, Sun evaporates the ocean water to form the condensing water vapour, with 80% of total water vapour in air is from the ocean. Finally, the condensed water particle converted to form cloud formation and the process repeats.
The diagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
the way in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
flows on above and below the surface of the earth.
Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the process consists of stages beginning with the
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cloud
formation and ending with the condensing
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water
Possible spelling mistake. 'vapour' is British English.
vapour
.
Furthermore
, the cycle repeats.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
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water
particles
are collected
(on-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)
the sky to form a
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cloud
. After that, these
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cloud
melts and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
down to earth as rain, and the process
is called
precipitation, which
is collected
in the
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water
bodies like lakes. These
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water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
trees to grow green.

In the
next
stage, the melted snow
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water
from the higher altitude runs down
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
ground to impervious layer. Following this, the groundwater proceed to the ocean, where the
Possible spelling mistake found.
intrusim
occurring with the salt water.

After that, Sun evaporates the ocean
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water
to form the condensing
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water
Possible spelling mistake. 'vapour' is British English.
vapour
, with 80% of total
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water
Possible spelling mistake. 'vapour' is British English.
vapour
in air is from the ocean.
Finally
, the condensed
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water
particle converted to form
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cloud
formation and the process repeats.
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IELTS academic The diagram below shows the water cycle, which is the continuous movement of water on, above and below the surface of the Earth.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
171 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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