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the diagram below shows the typical stages of consumer goods

the diagram below shows the typical stages of consumer goods L30On
The diagram demonstrates the sequence of consumer goods manufacturing and the feedback system. Overall, the process consists of ten different stages. At the first stage of the process, raw materials and manufactured components are collected in storage. Secondly, product research creates a design and both are involved in the production planning stage. After that, products pass a series of steps that include assembly, inspection and testing. After approval of the testing the next stap is packing. Consequently, after packing, finished products are dispatched for sales to consumers. If something goes wrong after saling, there is feedback from the production planning stage in order to fix the mistakes. Also sales provides the feedback to market research that in turn provides evaluation to advertisement and packaging. Finally, if there is any problem with design then it is sent to the design stage from the market research and testing step
The diagram demonstrates the sequence of consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
manufacturing and the feedback system.
Overall
, the process consists of ten
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
stages.

At the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
of the process, raw materials and manufactured components
are collected
in storage.
Secondly
, product research creates a design and both
are involved
in the production planning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
. After that, products pass a series of steps that include assembly, inspection and testing.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
approval of the testing the
next
Possible spelling mistake found.
stap
is packing.
Consequently
, after packing, finished products
are dispatched
for sales to consumers.

If something goes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
after
Possible spelling mistake found.
saling
, there is feedback from the production planning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
the mistakes.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
sales provides the feedback to market research that in turn provides evaluation to advertisement and packaging.
Finally
, if there is any problem with design then it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to the design
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
from the market research and testing step
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IELTS academic the diagram below shows the typical stages of consumer goods

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
146 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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