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The diagram below shows the steps in th process of manufacturing yogurt

The diagram below shows the steps in th process of manufacturing yogurt 5JMA
The diagram explains the various steps to be taken while producing yogurt. Overall, the process consists of eight stages, beginning with heating the milk and ending up with the product's shipping. First of all, milk is heated to a temperature of 90*C OR 200*F. After that, the temperature is maintained for 10-30 minutes to increase its consistency, that is more time milk being heated, thicker would be the yogurt. Next step is to cool down the milk to 44*C OR 112*F. Then, yogurt starter is added to the product. In the next stage, the yogurt allowed incubating for four hours where the temperature falls at 37*C or 100*F. Afterwards, the yogurt has been placed in a cool place after incubation is stopped. Then, fruits, sweetness and flavouring add on to maintain the flavour. Lastly, the containers are filled and labelled and are ready to ship.
The diagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
the various steps to
be taken
while producing yogurt.

Overall
, the process consists of eight stages, beginning with heating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
milk
and ending up with the product's shipping.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
milk
is heated
to a temperature of
Replace by the typographical symbol.
90*C
OR
Replace by the typographical symbol.
200*F
. After that, the temperature
is maintained
for 10-30 minutes to increase its consistency,
that is
more time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
milk
being heated
, thicker would be the yogurt.
Next
step is to cool down the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
milk
to
Replace by the typographical symbol.
44*C
OR
Replace by the typographical symbol.
112*F
. Then, yogurt starter is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to the product.

In the
next
stage, the yogurt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
incubating for four
It is better to use 'hours' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "hours when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
hours where
the temperature falls at
Replace by the typographical symbol.
37*C
or
Replace by the typographical symbol.
100*F
. Afterwards, the yogurt has
been placed
in a cool place after incubation is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
. Then, fruits, sweetness and
Possible spelling mistake. 'flavouring' is British English.
flavouring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
on to maintain the
Possible spelling mistake. 'flavour' is British English.
flavour
.
Lastly
, the containers
are filled
and labelled and are ready to ship.

IELTS academic The diagram below shows the steps in th process of manufacturing yogurt

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
145 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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