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The graphs above give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010.

The graphs above give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. KOmR
The graph demonstrates the percentages of people owned computers regarding their education from 2002 to 2010. It is clear from the figure that during these years educated people purchase more technical devices rather than that of non-educated. In detailed, people with no high school diploma owned a computer in 15 percent, however, it was three times more in 2010. In contrast with that the percentage of people was 35 percent with high school diploma while in the following years it increased to 65 % respectively. Meanwhile, people who did not complete their education was 50% rose gradually to 80 % dramatically. On the other hand there is no significant difference during 8 years for university graduates since it was 90% from 70 %. THe same figure depicts the postgraduates, it was 80 % in 2002 and went up to 90 % over a given period.
The graph demonstrates the percentages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
computers regarding their education from 2002 to 2010. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the figure that during these years educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
more technical devices
rather
than that of non-educated.

In detailed,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with no high school diploma
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
a computer in 15 percent,
however
, it was three times more in 2010.
In contrast
with that the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
was 35 percent with high school diploma while in the following years it increased to 65 %
respectively
.

Meanwhile,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who did not complete their education was 50% rose
gradually
to 80 %
dramatically
.

On the other hand
there is no significant difference during 8 years for university graduates since it was 90% from 70 %.
Possible spelling mistake found.
THe
same figure depicts the postgraduates, it was 80 % in 2002 and went up to 90 % over a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period.

IELTS academic The graphs above give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
145 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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