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the diagram below shows the English city Bristol deals with water pollution.

the diagram below shows the English city Bristol deals with water pollution. gaa7
The diagram shows the flow of clean and dirty water throughout the city of Bristol. Initially, the process begins with fresh water, fit for human consumption. As soon as it is used by humans, it becomes dirty and flows to three (3) separate destinations: rivers and streams, sewage treatment plants and the ocean. The diagram shows that rivers and streams receive a mixture of clean and dirty water. The water which has been used by humans is the dirty water and the clean water flows from sewage treatment plants. The diagram also shows that dirty water is dumped into the ocean via rivers and streams. Thus, the ocean receives an input of dirty water from rivers/streams and water used directly by humans. Some of the dirty water flowing in rivers and streams does not end up in oceans it flows to reservoirs or goes directly to a water treatment plant. This water is then recycled and made ready for human use.
The diagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flow
of clean and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dirty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
throughout the city of Bristol.
Initially
, the process
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
with fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
, fit for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
consumption. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
, it becomes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dirty
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flows
to three (3) separate destinations:
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rivers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streams
, sewage treatment plants and the ocean.

The diagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rivers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streams
receive a mixture of clean and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dirty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
which has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dirty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
and the clean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flows
from sewage treatment plants.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
diagram
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dirty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is dumped
into the ocean via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rivers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streams
.
Thus
, the ocean receives an input of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dirty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
from rivers/streams and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
directly
by humans.

If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dirty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
flowing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rivers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streams
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in oceans it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flows
to reservoirs or goes
directly
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
treatment plant. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is then recycled and made ready for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
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IELTS academic the diagram below shows the English city Bristol deals with water pollution.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
161 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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