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The diagram below shows the changes which took place in a coastal area called pentland from 1950 to 2007

The diagram below shows the changes which took place in a coastal area called pentland from 1950 to 2007 9KLp
The given diagram shows how the area of Pentland was developed over the period of half century. Overall, multifurious changes can be seen in a coastal area known as Pentland. The most noticeable changes were being the increase in accommodation, shops and cinema, the elimination of the industrial area and the introduction of multi storey car park with swimming pool facility. In1950, in the southern part of Pentland, there was sea which linked with straight towards the road. After that, the road divided into the west and east side of Pentland. At the right side of the place, there was a car park and at the left side, there was a industrial area. Besides this, the rest of area was grassland. Turning to the changes after 57 years which occurred in that place. Intially, it can be seen that the industrial area was gone, being replaced by multi storey car park with the facility of swimming pool in the north west corner and a park built near the swimming pool. After this, the principal changes can be experienced in houses. Before, there was grassland, while after half century, many houses were built in the right corner of the place and at the left the cinema was constructed. In the opposite sides of cinema and accommodations, the shops were established. The sea developed as Yacht Maria, it was circle by road which was linked by road as well as the road divided into two directions including east and west sides in 2007. .
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
diagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
how the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pentland
was developed
over the period of half century.
Overall
,
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multifurious
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changes
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in a coastal
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area
known as
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Pentland
. The most noticeable
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changes
were being the increase in accommodation, shops and cinema, the elimination of the industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
and the introduction of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
multi storey
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
with swimming pool facility. In1950, in the southern part of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pentland
, there was sea which linked with straight towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
. After that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
divided into the west and east side of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pentland
.
The usual prepositions to use when in contact with the side is "on" not "in". Did you mean "on the right side"?
At the right side
of the place, there was a car
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park
and at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
side, there was
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
.
Besides
this, the rest of
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area
was grassland. Turning to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
after 57 years which occurred in that place.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Intially
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
was gone
,
being replaced
by
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
multi storey
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
with the facility of swimming pool in the
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
north west
corner and a
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park
built near the swimming pool. After this, the principal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
can
be experienced
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
, there was grassland, while after half century,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
were built
in the right corner of the place and at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
the cinema
was constructed
. In the opposite
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sides
of cinema and accommodations, the shops
were established
. The sea developed as Yacht Maria, it was
Consider using a past participle here: "circled".
circle
by
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road
which
was linked
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
as well
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
divided into two directions including east and west
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sides
in 2007.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.

IELTS academic The diagram below shows the changes which took place in a coastal area called pentland from 1950 to 2007

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
252 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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