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The graph shows the rate of smoking in men and women in Someland from 1960 to 2000.

The graph shows the rate of smoking in men and women in Someland from 1960 to 2000. WXma
The graph compares the rate of smoking in men and women in Someland between the years 1960 and 2000. It can be clearly seen that the rate of smoking for both men and women is currently declining and that fewer women have smoked throughout the period. In 1960, 600 men in every 1, 000 was smoking. This number decreased gradually to 500 by 1974 and continued to decrease but more steeply to 250 in 2000. In contrast, the rate of smoking in women in 1960 was very low at only 80 in every 1, 000. By 1968 this increased to 170, and increased again but more steeply to 320 in 1977. The rate of female smokers then remained stable at 320 until 1984 at which point the figures began to decline and had dropped to 200 by 2000. In conclusion we can see that the rate of smoking in men dropped throughout the whole period but was always at a higher level than the female figures. The rate of smoking in women increased until 1977 but then decreased for the rest of the period.
The graph compares the
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rate
of
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smoking
in
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men
and
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women
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Someland
between the years 1960 and 2000. It can be
clearly
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seen
that the
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rate
of
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smoking
for both
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men
and
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women
is
currently
declining and that fewer
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women
have smoked throughout the period.

In 1960, 600
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men
in every 1, 000 was
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smoking
. This number decreased
gradually
to 500 by 1974 and continued to decrease
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
more
steeply
to 250 in 2000.
In contrast
, the
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rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in 1960 was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
80 in every 1, 000. By 1968 this increased to 170, and increased again
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
more
steeply
to 320 in 1977. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of female smokers then remained stable at 320 until 1984 at which point the figures began to decline and had dropped to 200 by 2000.

In
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conclusion we
can
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see
that the
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rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
dropped throughout the whole period
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
was always at a higher level than the female figures. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
increased until 1977
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
then decreased for the rest of the period.
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IELTS academic The graph shows the rate of smoking in men and women in Someland from 1960 to 2000.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
184 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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