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The graph below shows the rate of smoking in men and women in Someland between the years 1960 and 2000.

The graph below shows the rate of smoking in men and women in Someland between the years 1960 and 2000. dX5P
The line graph illustrates the gender distribution of people who have smoking habits in France in the period from 1960 to 2000. It is clear from the graph that there was a huge gap between males and females according to their rate of smoking in 1960. Although males outnumbered females, this gap was almost closed in 2000. In 1960, exactly 600 men in every 1, 000 were smoking, with a significant decline, this figure dropped to 400 men in 1985 and nearly leveled off until 1990. After that date, the number of males hit the lowest point of around 250 per person in the last year. With regards to females, there were just under 100 of them smoking before having a fluctuation. This number reached a peak of over 300 in 1975 and remained static. Similarly to men, their numbers experienced a downward trend and touched to exactly 200 until 2000.
The line graph illustrates the gender distribution of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have
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smoking
habits in France in the period from 1960 to 2000.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the graph that there was a huge gap between males and females according to their rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in 1960. Although males outnumbered females, this gap was almost closed in 2000.

In 1960, exactly 600
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in every 1, 000 were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
, with a significant decline, this figure dropped to 400
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in 1985 and
nearly
leveled off until 1990. After that date, the number of males hit the lowest point of around 250 per person in the last year.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
females, there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 100 of them
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smoking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
having a fluctuation. This number reached a peak of over 300 in 1975 and remained static.
Similarly
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
, their numbers experienced a downward trend and touched to exactly 200 until 2000.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows the rate of smoking in men and women in Someland between the years 1960 and 2000.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
151 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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