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The diagram below shows incident of theft in two state of south American country from 1990 to 2000.

The given bar chart depicts the thefts events that occurred in two state of south American country in spam of 11 years. According to the graph it clear that in 1990 theft incident were attempted nearly 500 in both states. However, robbery incidents were witnessed below 500 in state A till 1996. A sudden rise was observed in 1997 which was 600. In 1998 statistic drop down to 540 after that it reduced gradually to 380 in 2000. On the other hand, State B thefts incident hike up in 1991 to the range of 780 and remain same till 1993. Moreover, it crosses 1000 successful attempts in 1994 and incidents increased and reached maximum in 2000 which were 1800. Overall, it is evident that state A was able to control the situation and reduce the theft incidents whereas, State B shows poor result to control this event.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart depicts the
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thefts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
that occurred in two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
of
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
south American
country in spam of 11 years.

According to the graph it
After ‘it’, use the third-person verb form “clears”.
clear
that in 1990
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
incident
were attempted
nearly
500 in both
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states
.
However
, robbery
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incidents
were witnessed
below 500 in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
A till 1996. A sudden rise
was observed
in 1997 which was 600. In 1998 statistic drop down to 540 after that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
gradually
to 380 in 2000.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
State
B
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thefts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
incident
hike up in 1991 to the range of 780 and remain same till 1993.
Moreover
, it crosses 1000 successful attempts in 1994 and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
incidents
increased and reached maximum in 2000 which were 1800.

Overall
, it is evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
A was able to control the situation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
incidents
whereas,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
State
B
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
poor result to control this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
.
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IELTS academic The diagram below shows incident of theft in two state of south American country from 1990 to 2000.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
147 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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